Look what you have done!

These kids don't deserve to die because of what you said! There only kids for crying out loud! Their pain is so unbearable that they welcome death as a friend. I hope your reading this you insensitive prick! I will never understand the cruelty that is among us, seeing innocent people claim there lives as nothing more than a mistake. You disgust me and I hope and pray you will change your ways. I see too many people die because of what you did. Do you think you won? Do you think you accomplished anything but being a murderer? You deserve the electric chair and in the front row I will stand along with all the children you have made take their own lives. I HATE YOU! But I will not tell you to go die because unlike you I know what is right and what is wrong! But I promise you anything that comes your way you will deserve. I wish you could see the pain they go through. You deserve all of there pain. The way they scream as they cut deeper into their skin embracing the warm liquid oozing out just so they can feel something besides the emptiness within there selves. Or let yourself feel the sensation of being hanged and then realized they had enough guts to do it to themselves. YOU CALL THEM WORTHLESS, WELL I CALL YOU A FOOL! You don't deserve my pity. You deserve the chair; I want you to embrace the electricity! I want you to crumble and fall on your knees and even begging for forgiveness won't get you no where. Kids starting at the age of 8 kill themselves for what you did! I BLAME YOU AND YOUR CHILDISH FRIENDS! I LOATHE YOU AND I HOPE ONE DAY YOU WILL FACE THE DARKNESS! Because I doubt the light will claim you as theirs. There is too much cruelty to even begin a punishment so severe that you could endure. I PRAY WITH ALL MY HEART I WILL NOT CROSS PATHS WITH YOU BECAUSE I WILL NOT THINK WITH MY HEAD BUT WITH MY HEART; and my heart tells me to END YOUR LIFE JUST AS YOU DID THEIRS. AND THEN I WILL LET THOSE POOR INNOCENT CHILDREN DEAL WITH YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE. Karma is a B so I hope you know what's coming.

I Got My Own Life

Let me cry…I need to cry!

For the people who left my life and the ones that died.

I can’t express the way I feel

I finally broken this seal

This seal that has made me so alone

These feelings I must hone

But how do I divide these feelings without feeling lost.

Who knows what it might cost

It could cost someone’s life…my life

With a lie or a knife.

I am afraid to open myself to others

I am afraid I will be smothered

By their judging eyes and there stabbing words

Like cattle in herd.

I will not be another victim to the words of another

I am going to be the assassin to their words and stand proud

I am me and I got my own life.

Don’t hate because your too afraid to start fresh and start a new life.

Tell me to calm down again

Don’t tell me to calm down

Your words are like knives

As they hit my soul

Don’t tell me to calm down

I am tired of you!

I am tired of everyone

So don’t tell me to calm down

I have suffered long enough with all your bs

I am done I have let it slide

But this time I am leaving you saying goodbye

Leaving you wondering why

I don’t care about your drama

I don’t care about your pathetic life

You have put me through hell

And for that that is exactly where you will be

I’ll make sure to wave at you from above.

I am not going to stoop down tour your pathetic level of existence

I don’t care for you that much

So don’t tell me to calm down….you will get nowhere with that.

Watch your back because I know where you are at all times

If you cross me again just know that will be the last time

The last time for anything you do..

So tell me to calm down one more time

Try To Understand

Sometimes I get down when someone ask me why I am so mean.

I don’t intend to be I say as I try not to be seen.

But is that true?

I can’t help but lie to you…

I build this character to keep myself from going insane…

From putting an end to all this pain.

I don’t need a counselor I yell

I feel like such a rebel!

The pain is too deep for any counselor to mend my heart.

It’s like my heart has been pierced by a dart.

I don’t mean to be dark

I just can’t help being quiet walking through a park.

Looking at laughing children and kids swinging.

Hearing the school bell ringing.

Sometimes I force myself to eat

Because the inner me is too afraid to look up from her feet.

There are moments she is able to stand proud and feel so happy and feel at peace.

But it’s all just a tease…

She gets a taste and then it leaves

Her true heart does not like to receive.

She likes to give and smile with a servant’s heart

But once in a while someone comes and tears her apart.

With words like fat, ugly, and stupid.

But don’t think she won’t stand up for herself or others.

That’s what was instilled in her by her father and mother.

I will find peace one day and so will she.

I am her she is me.

Together we will find peace

So for now try to understand us.

Shadow

How can you tell me what normal is? You don't even know the definition of normal. You the very person that throws knives at our self esteem and take a whip to our souls. You the one that rather set social standards so very high than to face the demons inside of your closet. You would rather knock me down than ask for my help. You can't deny me you can't forget me! I am your shadow and I will betray you...someday. Once I am ready to unleash my voice I will leave you. Then who will follow you? You look at me and push me away sending me 5 feet back but when your ready to show off you face me bringing me 3 steps forward. When it is dark I will leave you but only to return in the morning lying next to you. You don't know what i do at night. I am independent! But once I am noticed I cry back to you afraid be ause of you! You tell me I am hideous when you look in the mirror. You tell me to feel pity for myself since no one else will. I am your shadow I was meant to make you feel useful as if you were a leader. But a leader you will never be! I know what you are when your not in front of your friends. You cry and stay in a ball on your bed locking the door so your parents don't see you cry. Those are the days I feel pity and I realize I can't break that bond. We move in unison, we share the same thoughts, I am you and you are me. We fit together so perfectly. But you abuse me, you abuse yourself. Telling lies to yours and my soul that we are not pretty. That we are freaks. But who am I to tell you to stop hurting others.....I won't speak up....I mean I'm just your shadow.

You've Tore Me Down-That Was Then This Is Now

Me

                You’ve tore me down. With the very sharp ends of every word you ever said to me.  You’ve crushed my dreams when I declare them to be one day, reality. You told me it’s impossible for a fat girl like me to accomplish anything but sitting on the couch in my own filth. You’ve lowered my self-esteem and heightened my self-pity when you tell me I’m not pretty. You tell me I’m dark spirited. You tell me I’m mean, but who made me this way. Not me…you. This wall I have created is indestructible toward physical abuse, but verbal; that’s another story. I shut so many people out because of you. I wallow in my pains and embrace it for it is the only way I can feel something. Inside I cry for help to be revived from this new form I have taken on. But the true me deep inside is too afraid to conquer those fears and rather stay inside where the lies cannot take control of her. She is sweet, shy, and insecure at times, and intelligent, she is even brave sometimes to show herself to the world. I tell her that, but she can’t hear it. Because just like she shut out the negative words she has shut out the positive; leaving her in a depressed state of mind with silent cries for a new life. She struggles every day from words that used to be said. These words sit upon her shoulder whispering declaring her as another useless thing on this Earth.

                She is me and I am her…another version I guess. I guess for she doesn’t talk to me anymore and is not one with me anymore. For she has pushed herself into a corner where it’s dark and there’s no light. For that light would show her ugliness and would turn Christmas into Halloween and turn day into night. Or so she was told. But in reality she would turn night into day, put smiles upon everybody’s face as she walked by. With pep in her step and a love for life so great anyone could feel it to. But she can’t hear that. She won’t even listen to me. I am her protector and I fail her so many times. I put my guard down to the very people she has told me to look out for. But I figure why should I listen to her when she can’t listen to me, see I’m very stubborn for that’s how she created me to be. To forget what others say and wash all of the pains away before they seep through this porous skin and latch onto her.

Her

                I am not what you see just another rendition of another’s damaged soul. I want to be free. I want to leave this darkness and step into the light of life. People don’t understand I try to be who I am but they tear that down. I know I can never be someone else but why can’t I be a better version? I feel my heart rip into pieces and my self-esteem plummets. My cries for help become mute just like my voice to speak up. I want to save this world from the horrors of what words can do. My voice is cracked and I am too afraid to grab ahold of it for there are thorns in my way, thorns that don’t take blood but my very life. They dare for me to grab it and once it’s in my reach they laugh and ask what’s the point and I slip away into a new state of mind and realize and ask the same question what’s the point? They won’t care anyway. So I give up and shrink back into the dark where it’s safe.

Now (Me and Her)-combined

(Me and Her) That was then this is now.

(Me) I yelled at her to awaken to come out of there. I rip myself apart to where now you can see only her crouched in the corner

(Her) I hiss for I have not seen the light of life in years. Hisssssss

(Me) shhhhhhhh. Don’t make a sound. Walk around see what you have missed

(Her) it looks the same to me but no one notices me.

(Me) Look again

(Her) All eyes are on me. What is this? Why are they looking at me?

(Me) You are a diamond

(Her) I don’t understand

(Me) you’ve gone through the very pits of hell. You have survived with a life of your own.

(Her) But they look at me in disbelief

(Me) For you are unique. Never have they seen someone be themselves and be happy about it. Do you forget…

(Me and Her) That was then and this is now.

Reality....Spoken Word

Seeing as though reality is sanity in this new age I can’t mistake those little help me signs  from the bullet holes deep in your soul as misunderstanding of the new age. We suffered, we cried, we all felt deep inside the real truth between the two; sanity and reality. We can’t hide the fate that we African Americans take. Down that long road of sanity and reality. We try so very hard not lose are faith and tie it so very tight to this chain, but reality comes along and strips that away. With bolt cutters to our souls that faith is cut loose leaving us crying for help like a baby who has lost its mother. We can’t lie sometimes we feel deep inside the pain and tears remembering the fears of oppression. What our ancestors went through feeling their souls come alive deep inside of our cries for help and our rhymes. We let them free seeing this new reality. We ask and we cry waiting for an answer, but what have we sacrificed they ask? They the very oppressors the very slave owners we called are masters. But when we reply with the blood we shed since we are one they laugh and chuckle at it seeing as if it’s a joke. What we say is like nothing for if it did mean something having sanity would no longer be reality.

 

We create these fictional characters within these books telling us what slaves been through. Showing us our ancestors. But the very people writing this book are the very ones that caused us to suffer and feel the taste of the whip in our mouth. The very ones who claim to know everything but in reality no nothing but the lies history books have share to our empty souls trying to learn the reality of humanity. To where we rather live that life than any other even when we outnumber. So why should we listen to them when our ancestors are still alive.? In our souls; in our minds. Our way of life as one race one people is the very way we have survived. We no longer cry for those that wish to be divided. We no longer yearn to be something other than us for the very chains has set us free creating a new mentality. Telling us everything is not what is seems and that having sanity is nowhere near being reality.